It’s strange writing letters to myself. Yet it’s working out better than the diary entries. Maybe I do need to see a doctor and check my head. Not sure if this is normal. When people hear voices, they are either religious or crazy. Most people will choose religious.
Crazy or not. Insane or whatever. It’s working for me and I don’t care what others think about it. Be in my situation and see how you handle it.
Things are crazy at the moment ha? It won’t last though. I think your doing the best you know how. Just take things one at a time and remember your mortal. Relax and think before you act. Mistakes are normally made when you rush things.
I know you’ve been thinking more about the situations surrounding you at the moment. In the past when you said the opinions of others don’t effect you. That was a lie right? Your good at pretending and letting people not worry about you. I think of that was ever a job, that would be your natural talent. Being anything you want. To make people believe your alright. While your spiraling down into the darkness again.
This year hasn’t been easy for anyone. The things that happened will change people and affect them for the rest of their lives. You need to stop worrying about those who don’t care if you lived or died. Pay more attention to yourself, you need to, that’s a must. Before you destroy yourself and can’t come back.
I think what happened so far, is that things are happening so fast. You discovered something you loved to do. Writing hasn’t stop circulating your mind. When your awake, you think about what to write constantly. When your alseep, you dream about what to write when you wake up. Writing is now a part of you, that is something your able to believe in at least.
I think also that the way we handled things, weren’t really the wises choice. You know we tried our best and escape out past. To forget that chapter of our lives. We can’t run from that, no matter how hard we try. It was something we must accept. It made us who we are today, without that part of our life, it wouldn’t be complete.
We must accept our past, the mistakes, the good and the bad. All of it, and then are able to move on. There’s only so far we are able to run before we exhaust ourselves and the results are the same.
My advise to you is this. Make the most of the situation. By saying that, this is what I mean. You are now in a position that people know who you are. Like it or not, you are kinda famous. Without the mistake, no one will know you. Tell me if I am right or not. Everyone in Australia has heard about you, and I mean everyone. Right or not?
Used that to your advantage. You want to be help others, to inspire? What other way would you do it if no one knows who you are? This is a chance for you to become the person you desire to become. Opportunity comes but once, it may never come again. Change the negative in your life into a positive. Make that mistake, become the greatest thing you have ever done.
I also think, you moved too fast. Finding the person who you are recently. But didn’t have the time yet in knowing the person you had become. You have been trying to improve in yourself, but how can anyone improve themselves if they don’t know who they are? Go back to basic. Go back to the beginning. Before this, you showed a masked what others expected or what you thought they wanted. You pretended for so long, that you don’t know what is the real you anymore.
Yes the death of your friend is hitting hard. He was there for you when you just recovered. When you just only crawled out from the darkness. He cooked for you and made you feel human again. And now your really sad because you couldn’t be there for him like he was for you. It’s too late for that now, it’s hard overcoming this guilt inside. But some how, you must find a way to overcome this. Like all the other things that appeared in your life. You must.