Dear myself,

From where I am, looking at what’s happening. It’s easy to say your on a path of destruction. Pushing everyone around you away. The more they try getting you to open up, the more you withdraw into yourself. This is a pattern I’ve seen in the past. And it left you being by yourself for almost a decade.

You have to understand that people, those that are closest to you, well any one actually, don’t think the way you do. You can’t make judgement basing on that logic. Your just different. Strange and complicated. Just have to accept that others don’t have the same thought process as you. This is a great example, who else writes letters to themself?  Point proven.

I understand the way you feel and think exactly. You want to be left alone, while not being left alone. Just knowing that the ones you care and love, understand this. Your upset and frustrated because they don’t. They keep pushing you to talk, pushing you to open up. Yet, I understand them as well. They are just really concerned about you. They want to know what’s wrong. To be able to help, to do what they can. This is their way of showing love, it’s a normal behaviour. Something your not used too nor understand.

When you don’t talk with them, they don’t think you care. That you don’t trust them enough. This has always been the problem. While you do love them and care for them, you distant yourself from them. So they don’t get hurt, or becoming sad. But for them, it feells like your pushing them away. That hurts them, that’s why they do what they do. It’s frustrating, yet it’s the truth. And that’s why your always misunderstood.

When people talk to you, it doesn’t take long for them to feel they know you. They feel your easy to read. Easy to understand. That your not complicated at all. This is their mistake, even when you warned them at the beginning. That is mistake number one.  Do you understand why?

It’s because they think they know you. They think they can predict or know what’s in your mind. This is why it is confusing. At the beginning of the friendships, you appear to be an opened book. Easily to be read and understood. That’s hearts you begin to open up to them without them requesting it. Because you felt like doing so. This is your fault actually. Because by doing that, they feel like you trust them, because it feels like your opening up to them.

So when they feel that there’s something wrong, and you don’t open up as before. They feel that you don’t trust them as before. They know something is wrong, your not talking, your remaining quiet. You want to be left alone. While they feel they are losing your friendship. This scares them so that is why they behave the way they do. This is your fault actually. For creating that illusion.

I understand though, that the reason why you opened up to them, was because you felt like it at that time. Out of no where, you begin to talk about your problems and things that are on your mind. The difference next time. Is really simple. It was them asking, wasn’t you. You weren’t in the mood to talk about it and they keep asking you, annoying you and frustrating you.

Try not to think about it. I know your confused with the world and the people. The changes in you are drastic. It ain’t small, it’s massive. You rushed into this new world, without time to breathe. You changed so fast in such a short time. Trying to prove something, not for them. But for yourself, to know your self worth. Like I told you before, your different from the way you think.

You rushed so fast that you left everything back there. Leaving yourself behind, the new and old you. Give them time to catch up, the speed your travelling is blinding. It’s dangerous. Slow down a little bit, there will be a time coming for this. Be patient for a little bit and try to understand from their point of view.

Remember that your mind and thoughts, differ from others. It’s not your fault, it’s just the way it is. If it’s a good or bad thing, that really depends on you. The way you handle it and how you cope with all this.

Tan

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Writing – To myself pt 2

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s