Last night wasn’t the best of nights ha? This is what happens when your mind gets over worked. Over thinking things again and again. Resulting in insanity. See? Your writing to yourself more often now. Yet, I think you’ve developed a technique which will work for you.
It’s been such a long year, with many changes. All the things happening so fast, didn’t allow you to absorb the events. Putting it in the back of your mind, trying to forget it. Acting like nothing happened. Escaping reality into another world, the writing world. Yet even with all the talents in the world, sooner or later, you will be on your own and everything will come, hitting you stronger than your able to handle. It’s always been that way. You know that.
Two people you know for executed in April. As you watched on, it was driving you really crazy. The way it was being handled by the media. Displaying it like some tv reality show. They don’t care, it’s all about the money and story. That is how the world works. You knew this get you fell for it. Trusted everyone too much. And in the end, was the result you already knew.
I know how you feel exactly. Holding back what you truly felt. Didn’t want to say anything. Sucking it while being polite. Watching it all and being able to do nothing able it. Even though it was destroying you from the inside, still pretended that everything was okay. Slowly adding more and more problems. Taking more on, in hopes of trying to bury another problem.
Not sure if that’s a very wise move. Problems burying problems. Wouldn’t this create more problems. What would happen if problems decided to join together as one force and turn against you. What would you do then?
It’s hard to take credit for the things you’ve done. The accomplishments. How fast you’ve grown and lean. All this in a few short months. And I know exactly why you can’t accept. Why you can’t feel proud. It’s not because of hatred of yourself that causes this. It plays a part, but not the real reason.
It’s because you know your better than this. And the things you’ve accomplished so far, it should already been done. It was expected. Plus letting yourself down. For slipping so far, for falling so deep. For letting life overwhelmed you. For a period of time, and this is what hurts the most. For falling into the role of victim. Playing the oh poor me character. For a person that survived the warfare at home. The game that was natural to you, the power game. Even when life was unbearable, you never played the victim. And that is killing you, that you did. Losing dignity in your eyes.
I know your going through alot, yet I know your able to get through this. It’s just another trial. Remember those times when you get excited about it? How you face your trials and challenges in the past? It was exciting and felt alive when your being tested. No more excuses from now on okay? It’s not you and it doesnt suit you. Get your head back into the same.
I’ll write more soon, let this dial into you first.