Dear myself,

Today I noticed your reaction when looking into the reflection today. Time has gone by so fast, yet so slow at the same time. Where has it gone, and whose that old man looking back, surely that’s not us right?

I’m afraid it is, and when people say the older a man becomes, with their white hairs, looking like a gentleman, they are delusional. Making themselves believing another lie, or perhaps that rule doesn’t apply to us. Certainly not us.

Let’s reflect on ourselves for a moment. Let’s see if we are able to be honest to ourselves and see how far we’ve grown. The biggest change would be writing. That was a pleasant unexpecting event. Who would of guessed that curve ball. I know life is filled with surprises, this would be top five of all time. Poems writing would be top two. If you were younger, you would be teasing yourself. Admit it, you would.

Then comes finding yourself, breaking down everything from within, building yourself again from nothing. It was probably the hardest thing you had ever done. Trying to find something that was buried so long ago. You’ve lost friends, many of them during this process, they didn’t understand what you were going through. They are decent people, later when things calm abit, you should reach out to them again. Once your ready of course.

I know that within you never believed you deserved anything positive that comes your way. Not feeling good enough for anything. That may be true, that your not worthy of it, but it’s their gifts to you, their decision to make. Deserving or not, doesn’t matter what we think, it’s irrelevant. It’s theirs to give. Accept and be grateful for it, that’s all. 

The journey is long, it’s going to be difficult. The transformation from within is remarkable. Preparing for the future challenges. Judging on the transformation alone, I’m assuming that the battles ahead are going to be something unlike in the past. It’s going to be interesting that’s for sure. Get ready for that. 

Even though your writing letters to yourself and having conversations with yourself. Not sure if that was the meaning when people say find yourself. Or to discover who you really are. Anyways, this is how we are doing it, making truce between ourselves, knowing ourselves by communicating with ourselves. Let it be so, it’s working this far, let it continue

Tan Nguyen

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10 thoughts on “Letter to myself 19/10/2015

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