Longing acceptence

Longing acceptance

Searching high above the heavens
Searching towards the stars
Like diamonds glittering, way up there
Answers, needing like desperations
Insanity driven, unable to stop
Possess as if demons, ruling the minds
Needing to know, for peace of mind looking upon the stars, leaving great hopes
Expecting without reasons, my dreams
Illogical conclusions, as to why expecting the stars
Depending on the stars, great expectations
Perhaps having special meanings
Close towards my heart
Unreachable beauty, only to stare
Such a distance, from here to there
Maybe searching for a miracle
Looking upon the stars, gives me strength
Wondering aloud, how lonely it must be
Every night, coming out to shine 
Even though theres many, in the sky
It must be lonely, unable to be near another
Now I know why
The stars blinking each night
All across the night skys
They are trying to talk
With each other
Displaying their best efforts
Of shining brightly
In hopes
Of being accepted
Of not being lonely
Anymore

Tan Nguyen

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Darkness ruling thoughts

Darkness ruling thoughts

Feelings as darkness, taking control
Feelings as darkness, is in control
Unable to maintain the strength, needed
To hold darkness at bay, draining of energy
Feeling so weak and tired, from battles after battles
As the soul within fades away, numbness
Hearing screams from terrifying pain
Screaming and yelling, as the soul
Is being ripped apart from within
Hurtful, dying away, unheard, destroying
Slowly as the soul, being torn apart
Deeper, falling down toward the pits 
All joy of life, vanished suddenly
All reasons, all purpose, banished from within
All thoughts of trying, gone from mind
Uncaring of death or life
Both seemingly the same, only life
Seems like dragging, with false hopes
Worthless, useless, is reassured
Ending life, such a sweet relief, ending it all
Holding onto hope, escaping at first lights
Dreams turned into nightmares
Day dreams turned in illusions 
Concept of life, is to live 
Love is non existent, lost forever
Wishing and praying for death 
To appear and end this world
Despressing of always failing
Always failing of not trying 
Despair from being depressed
Sadness, because of despair
All emotions having effect of each other
All connected in life, through life
Flowing as energy, from the same source
Darkness of thoughts, only fantasy
Of trying,  in the impossible

Tan Nguyen

Against all odds

Against all odds

Emerging, head held high
Victorious, bloodied and drained
Armour, unrecognizable any longer
Battered completely, taking a great beating
Enduring the punishments of weapons
Unrelenting with ferocious attacks
Hardly the outcome, anyone expected 
Left to die, in a foreign world
Surviving the harsh realities, suffering
Without a moments thought, of returning
In this place, rotting away, decaying like fruits
Exactly the same, as the fruits
Each day passes, weakening the soul
Subtle changes in the appearences
The skin slowly softens, changing colour
Once beautiful and solid, now weak and soft
Throughout these events of life
Ever flowing without a moments thoughts
Even time and space, placed their bets 
Against me making another day
Difficulty of my journey, isn’t normal
Even normal is scratching its head
Standards which has been raised higher
Even so, the world moved on with life
Leaving me behind to struggle each day
On the ground, covered with dirt
People walking by, ignoring such creature
Whispers amongst themselves, overheard
When is death coming, and claim that soul
Left for death, having no chances left
Already considered dead, from the masses
Against all odds, somehow surviving
Not only surviving,
Smashing through all logics,
Breaking all boundaries
Shattering the smirks, on pride faces
Creating history, step by step
Against all odds, of being successful
Against all odds, of being alive
Against all odds
Here I am
Before you
Defining sanity overall

Tan Nguyen

Day dreams by night

Day dreams by night

Day dreams, beautiful as can be
Lovely as the oceans melody
Softness of touches, from a lover 
Walking through fields of dreams
Fantasy from minds, collected here
Living any, if only wanting to
Gravity and life, visions and emotions
Weightlessness, floating or drifting
Anything, wishes shall be reality
Mortal living as immortal, having powers
Of the most high, creating worlds
Inventing, artistic by designs
Day dreams, wonderful as it seems
Perfection, truly marvellous
Touching, seeing, a world of dreams
Smiling non stop, appearing like a lunatic
Uncaring of appearences, no longer important
Reality’s problems, left to reality
Life for reality, onhold, with further notice
Day dreams, time ceased to exist 
Day turns to night, back in reality
Day dreams, sliding smoothly
Into just dreams,
A day dream,
Now a dream 

Tan Nguyen

No matter what

No matter what

Cracks are showing, along the lines
Solidified, rebuilding time and again
Taking upmost care, overseeing plans
Carefully watching constructions, like a hawk
Each details, being implemented
Sleepless nights, filled with worries
Uneaten food, wasting upon the table
Caused from stress and worry
Checking again and again, making sure
That all preparations are though of
Minor details, treated as massive
Being on the verged, isn’t smile upon
High emotions, tempers are quick to trigger
Not meaning to tell or scream
Letting emotions and frustrations 
Controlling, taking over for split moment
Walking along the lines, checking everything 
Inspecting for weaknesses, which may fall 
Despite all the preparations
Despite all the planning
Despite all the effort, used on defense
Despite all the thoughts and worries
Defense, has been breached
No matter how well, a person prepares
There’s always cracks, out of sight
There’s always unseen situtions
Which likes to appear, at the worst time
Reminds you of a story, you once heard
Surely hope so, it’s the story of life

Tan  Nguyen

Human beings

Human beings

You and I, are one and the same
Same, but different
When I bleed, the colour is red
What colour is yours, when you bleed
I am able to feel pain, and be hurt
Are you the same, are you able to feel
When I am hungry, I search for food
What do you do, when your hungry
I have people which I love and care
Ain’t you the same as me, love and care
When someone stabs me, I bleed and feel pain
What happens when someone stabs you
Isn’t it the same as me
When someone calls me names, it hurts within
Feeling sad, yet not showing that it hurts
What about you, isn’t it the same
I’ve made mistakes in my life
Done some really stupid things, unforgivable
Have you made mistakes in your life
Or are you perfect in every way
I feel sad and depressed
Do you know this feelings
I feel happy and joy, not often though
Do you know this feelings
I feel useless and worthless
Do you know this feelings
I, like you, are both humans
Going through problems with our lives
Trying to make sense of the world
Trying to be something, someone important
Not to be forgotten, to fade away
Striving for a better life, for us and others
To protect and care for the ones we love
To just live and be there for people
Whom we love and care for
Because in the end,
Colours of skin
Difference in cultures
Traditions and history of our ancestors
Our beliefs and religions
Our morales and values
Ain’t we the same, ain’t we all humans
It’s time we should,
Start treating each other,
As humans

Tan Nguyen

Emotional returns

Emotional returns

Flashbacks, reliving pains
Which was best forgotten
Past trials of pain and suffering
Returning with maximum power
Combining as one, shattering my spirits
Pains which time has healed, long before
Delving deeper into the realms of pain
Feelings of immense weight, choking
Unmoving, state of numbness
Wondering how was it possible
To have forgotten such emotions 
Memories flashing by, varying in speeds
Sometimes joyful moments resurfaced
Sometimes old pains coming back
Moments in which was forgotten,
Bringing a smile upon the face
Life is, a long long journey
Different stages of experiences
Of emotions being felt, known
Though the flashbacks caused
Memories of the hurt to resurface
It also caused the positives also
It was necessary, to look back into the last
To find, to know a person
Which was lost long ago

Tan Nguyen

Thankful

Thankful 

Looking up into heaven’s eyes
Much respect stirring inside
In which heaven has shown
The love in which I didn’t see
Stars shining brightly, as words float above
Words expressing my appreciations and thanks
From the heart, in which they came
Enjoying the beauty of heaven
Marvelling, in a trance, to beauty
Without the gifts, which was given
Without the natural talent I have
The ability to describe emotions
Writing it down on ink,  touching others
Inspiring others, having an affect
On people  I haven’t met before
Truly, is such a positive thing
Heaven gifted me, with the most
Powerful abilties of all
To change the world
For the better

Tan Nguyen

Religions and beliefs

Religions and beliefs

I believe in God, yes that’s right
I believe in God, why are you shocked
I believe in God, stop looking at me
Last person to admit this fact
Would be me, still shocked from the news
I believe in God, I don’t belive in people
What is real for me, isn’t what the bible says
How many times has the bible been altered
The God I believe in
Wouldn’t want a church built
Decorated in gold ceilings, colour windows
Grand designed from famous designers
For a place of worship
While there’s homeless people
Right outside the doors, unwelcomed
Why can’t they live here, instead out there
What’s true to me, there is a God 
I believe in God completely
Laws and rules are made from humans 
I don’t believe in humans, not worshipped
How can you say, you believe in God
While ignoring a child, begging for good
How can you say, you believe in God
While turning a blind eye, against those
That truly needs help
My conscious is clear, I’m able to sleep
Able to look at myself in the mirror
And not be disgusted of who I see
People knows the bible, line by line
Does that make them holy
Does that make them better than I
While they put on a mask, of pretending
Being righteous, being sinless
While after services is finish, engaged in acts
Which they say was not tolerated
Just that very morning
Religion to me, is purity within my heart
My soul knows what’s right
My soul knows what’s wrong
If I do something  bad, my soul will cry
Not some book, which was written by man
Used as a means to control
That ain’t God
That ain’t love
That’s some imitation

Tan Nguyen

As I am

As I am

Struggles and difficulties, hand in hand
Striving for recognitions of existing
Unwillingness of fading with time
Penetrating the defenses of success
As my time arrives, through patients
Enduring a life time, walking on my path
Deepest, darkest, coldest, terrifying
Encountering endless incoming nemesis
Challenging with smirks upon their faces
Facing, standing in front of fears
Holding onto nerves, which threatens to run
Chasing courage, earning everything
Risking my life, in gaining experiences
Each moment, in suspended animations
As I am, being the only person I know
Writing letters to myself, advising myself
No longer trusting, as I was once before
Humanity and society has greatly,
Changed me, forcing me to mean
Resisting with all my strength
Using reserved energy, resisting
Unwillingness of becoming, things I hate
Destroy my life, take it
I shall always stand and fight
Not becoming what society wants me to be
To hate my own kind
To be mean to others
To become such a negativity
In which society has become
I will never play a part
In spreading negativity anymore
I once turned my back against the world
Biggest mistake of my life
I shall never abandoned
I shall never turn my back again
I shall always be here, here on out
As I am
Nothing more
Nothing less
Just me

Tan Nguyen