Unexpected Future

Unexpected Future

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

I remember as a child,
My dreams were plenty,
Clueless with reality,
Wishing to be those I see,
In movies and television,
Going to bed at night,
Dreaming to be them,
When I grow up one day.

There was a time,
I wanted to be lawyer,
Naive I was as a child,
Now I know better,
Being a lawyer is no dream,
Innocent I was once,
Filled with innocence of hope,
Trusting everyone,
With their words.

There was a time,
I wanted to be a doctor,
Unsure now the reason why,
Perhaps influence by something,
I’ve seen on tv growing up,
Dreams were many,
Wanting to be everything,
Changing my mind,
Just as quickly.

Older I became,
More disappointed I became,
Slowly my dreams,
Faded away one by one,
As a small child,
I dreamt to be the world,
By the time I was a teenager,
Life lessons were harsh,
Dreams stopped coming,
Hated the world,
Hated everyone in it,
Hated myself more than anything.

Older I became,
The more I see,
Illusions broken,
Through naive eyes,
The world wasn’t,
What I was expecting,
There’s no happily ever after,
There’s no fairytale endings,
It was hopes and dreams,
Shattered with reality’s hammer.

Reality became gloomy,
Dreams no longer existed,
Though there’s no happily ever after,
It can still be achieved,
Through constantly trying,
Putting in the efforts,
Experiencing all the trials,
Life is an ongoing struggle,
Yet through those rare,
Glimpses of moments,
Obtaining happiness,
A precious moment of reward,
For all the things we’ve gone through.

The end

Time of Night

Time of night

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

Deep into the night,
When everyone’s asleep,
Alone with my thoughts,
Drifting into my mind,
Hearing myself think,
When there’s not a stir.

Creatures are fast asleep,
Snoring into the night,
People are resting,
I am still wide awake,
Enjoying the presence,
Without any distractions,
Deep into the night,
My favorite time of all.

Able to focus completely,
Without interruptions,
Not a soul is awake,
Sleeping soundly away,
Snoring into the night,
Quiet and calm,
As the winds goes by,
Stars and the moon,
Already out to play,
Not a sound is heard,
Only the voices of nature,
Still calling out into the night.

Concentrating body and soul,
Expressing deeply within,
Alone with my thoughts,
Discovering more inside,
Going deeper than before,
Knowing myself better,
Spending time alone,
While no one else is around,
Looking forward to this time,
Enjoying to know,
The person that I am.

The end

Letter to destiny 29/01/2016

Dear destiny,

Firstly, I want to let you know that I am recieving mixed signals from you. I know you have been waiting for a long time, for me to complete the tasked. Maybe if you didn’t make it so hard, maybe I would of reached it already.

Seriously, sometimes the challenges you put before me, are really hard. It’s like your bored or something. When I am having a perfect day, that’s when the hardest challenges arrive. Now when my days are perfect, I’m always thinking, oh no. Are you bored up there or something?

Sometimes when the problems in my life, are only barely maintained, more problems are coming my way. Seriously, at least let me have time to breathe. Even before a sigh of relief of having everything under control, a bunch of more problems gets thrown my way. I’m starting to think you hate me or something.

Just the other night, before I was just about to sleep. It wasn’t meant to be that night. Stayed up the whole night because you wouldn’t let me sleep. Seriously, are you picking on me? It sure seems so, let me breathe at least.

I am beginning to feel you have a grudge against me. Don’t say your not, clearly you do. Maybe, just maybe you enjoy seeing my head explode. To tell you the truth though, if I were you, I would enjoy picking on people as well. But come on, don’t you think it’s just a tad overboard? Just a tad?

I know that everything happens for a reason and that there are purposes for everything. But there’s one thing that I don’t see a reason maybe I am missing something, a hidden meaning. I was naked one night, a spider bit me, close to you know what. It hurt like hell, I mean really like hell, burnt real bad. What is the lesson in this? Not to sleep naked? I was asleep, I wasn’t invading its territory, it was invading mine.

Things like this, makes me really doubt you sometimes. It makes me believe that your doing this all for fun. Tell me I am wrong? So destiny, now that I’ve caught you out. Can you please, just a tad and pick on someone else for a little while? So I am able to breathe for a bit? Muchly appreciated if you could. If not, just don’t send any more spiders my way. Don’t be a smart ass and send a snake next time.

Sincerely,
Tan Nguyen

I am a Scorpio

I am a Scorpio

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

I am a Scorpio,
This is what I am,
My star sign,
Being proud and unashamed,
Defining the person I am,
Written into the heavens.

There are faults,
In every single signs,
Nothing is perfect,
All having our own faults,
As for me being a Scorpio,
Claiming my birthrights,
Destiny which awaits,
Fate which sets me on the path.

I know I am stubborn,
I know I am loyal,
Even if it’s to a fault,
Blindly, stubbornly protecting,
Once I deemed a person worthy,
I know my faults,
There are many,
That is true,
By knowing my faults,
I can only advanced myself,
Into the person I am meant to be.

I know I have inner knowledge,
Of intimacy without experiences,
Born with the wisdom,
In touching the souls,
I know my anger is quick,
Readily to attack,
If I feel being attacked first,
I know I am calm on the surface,
Beneath there’s volcano,
Ready to erupt any moment.

Written long before I was born,
Written above the world,
The person I am,
Was destined to be,
No matter how I lived my life,
No matter the struggles,
As difficult as they are,
Striving each moment,
Reaching heights never before,
Breaking boundaries of limitations,
Searching always for the truth,
Failure isn’t in my nature,
Afterall, I am stubborned,
Will not allow life to win.

The end

Adulthood

Adulthood

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

Stepping into adulthood,
Accepting responsibility,
Childhood no longer,
Living past the stages,
When immaturity,
Could be forgiven,
Recklessness can be forgotten,
Those excuses no longer,
Valid into adulthood.

I am learning as I go,
Being responsible for my actions,
No longer am I a kid,
Time to stop acting like one,
Those days are gone,
Another pharse has begun,
Into the life as an adult,
Stepping into the roles,
Which has been delayed,
For such a long time.

Having another person,
Wanting to spend the rest,
Of their life with me,
Unfortunate person indeed,
Having a family with me,
To grow old together,
Time to pull myself together,
The future awaits,
Entering my mature years,
Being a adult from now on.

The end

Inner Desires

Inner Desires

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

No matter how hard I fight,
Telling myself I have no desires,
In being liked or loved,
Telling myself I don’t need anyone,
It’s me against the world,
Forget about anyone else,
That they don’t care,
Why should I returned emotions.

No matter how many times,
I tried to convince myself,
That it’s me against the world,
The desires within me grows,
Stronger till it’s an inferno,
Wishing, demanding to be heard,
Desiring to be wanted,
To be liked and loved,
To be cared for and to belong,
Fighting with myself,
Is draining and exhausting,
Until surrendering to my innerself,
I begun to let people into my life,
As the inferno of desires,
Burning brightly within,
Those same people,
Burnt me deeply from within.

Me against the world,
Is safe and sound,
Knowing my place,
The expectations in my mind,
For some reasons along the way,
The desires inside is so strong,
That I go against my own logics,
Resulting with what I have known,
Being burnt somewhere down the line,
Despite knowing all this,
I still go against myself,
Getting hurt in the process,
My inner desires,
Getting the better of me.

The end

Acceptance in Denial

Acceptance in Denial

Written by Tan Nguyen
29/01/2016

Often in my thoughts,
There are doubts which floats,
Second guessing myself,
Most times I find,
The courage to follow through,
Other times I changed my mind,
Letting doubt rule the day.

Acceptance of myself,
Hardest thing to achieve,
When the heart is filled,
With loathing and regrets,
Unforgiving nature,
With a pretentious smile,
Shamed to show the world,
What’s truly inside,
The weaknesses which,
Tearing into pieces,
The soul I have within.

Battle rages on daily,
Each moment more difficult,
Harder to sustained the defences,
Feeling the outta perimeters,
Being breached and cracked,
How longer shall my defenses last,
Before being exposed,
Revealing the weaknesses,
Which I tried so hard,
Kept hidden for so long.

Denial of my true existent,
Living in many illusions,
Created to protect myself,
Not letting anyone to know,
The person that I am,
The weakling which hides,
Beneath the bravery displayed,
Beneath the strength and courage,
Beneath it all,
There’s a scared little boy,
Whose afraid to face the world.

The end

My Reasons

My reasons

Written by Tan Nguyen
28/01/216

Reasons are because of you,
With every breath I take,
You are the reason why,
Each thought in my mind,
Is of you and no other,
Every beat my heart makes,
It’s beating for only you,
Everything my eyes see,
The image of you is there,
Every touch I touched,
Imagined that it’s you,
You are the reason why,
I am who I am today.

I fight on because of you,
I try my hardest in all I do,
Your the reason why,
The sun in my sky,
Rises each day,
You’ve became my world,
The reason why I keep going,
You are my reason,
To have hope again,
In having dreams once more,
Your the reason why I am,
Without you I am lost,
Without you I have no reason.

When you entered my life,
The light became dull,
You shined brighter than day,
When you entered my life,
Beauty ran and hide,
Ashamed to show themselves,
You defined beauty itself,
When you entered my life,
Happiness came upon the world,
Blessing me with a pure smile,
Your the reason why,
My world continues to spin,
Only reason I am still,
Hanging onto hopes,
Having dreams once again.

The end

Beneath the Outter Skin

Beneath the Outter Skin

Wtitten by Tan Nguyen
28/01/2016

Stars frozen above the world,
Into the darkness it stays,
Blinking away as time goes on by,
Twinkling for as long as it can,
Hoping beyond reasons for someone,
Glancing towards their direction,
Spotting the distressed signals,
Instead of saying how beautiful they are.

How many generations has passed by,
With every thoughts being the same,
Through ancient times to modern times,
Everyone that has looked into the sky,
Seeing only the beautiful twinkles,
Beyond those thoughts are nothing more,
Beneath the inner cores lay hidden,
Deeper meanings which no one knows.

Desperating trying to gained attention,
Seeking help is the reason why,
Blinking constantly each night,
Frozen in place since the beginning,
Stuck against the night’s sky,
Held in place since the creation of time,
Movement forbidden like punishment.

Eyes and thoughts always the same,
Beyond the beauty a secret is kept,
Beneath the layers a story is found,
Voices unable to travel across,
The great distances of the universe,
Still holding onto hope,
Hoping that one day near or far,
When eyes and thoughts,
Glazing into the night’s sky,
Instead of seeing beautiful displays,
They will say the stars are crying out,
They are desperately in need of help.

The end

All The Wrong Reasons

All The Wrong Reasons

Written by Tan Nguyen
28/01/2016

Whenever I see my name,
Written in news articles,
I feel ashamed of my past,
Guilt which has never disappeared,
Nor eased as time goes by.

Whenever I see myself on television,
I don’t like the person I see,
Hating that person more than anything,
Never hated anyone more than myself,
Wishing I wasn’t me.

Age doesn’t excused the wrongs,
The mistakes I have done,
Nor does immaturity is be blamed,
Only person to blamed is myself,
The amount of pain I have caused,
Towards my family and the one I loved.

My name written in news articles,
Myself being on television many times,
Being famous for the wrong reasons,
Wishing the past shall disappear,
Reality will always be there,
No matter what I do with my life,
The pain will always be there.

Being famous for all the wrong reasons,
Being known for all the wrong reasons,
Tried to changed that many times,
Ending up with heart break and tears,
The feelings of sadness shall be there,
Like a shadow that follows me everywhere,
Where ever I go it shall be near me,
Whatever I do it will remind me,
Always lurking in the background,
Pulling me backwards,
As soon as I moved forward,
Unable to let me go on,
Holding me down with it’s weight.

Being known for all the wrong reasons,
Can’t escaped the past no matter what,
Learning to accept the person I am,
Hard to do when hatred is powerful,
Unable to look myself in the mirror,
Everything I do always falling short,
What hurts the most,
What pains me the most,
I know within myself,
Can never forgive myself,
The hatred is too powerful,
To love myself,
Not even a little bit at all,
All the wrong reasons,
Have I became me.

The end