Lately I know you’ve been seeking answers to some very difficult questions. I know you want to leave your mark upon the world. To be remembered and never forgotten ever again. I know that you are afraid to return to that place again, doing everything your able to avoid falling back into that world.
To make matters worst, sometimes your not able to handle the emotions and feelings. Emotions which you’ve kept hidden for so long. Once you’ve started opening up, searching within yourself, these emotions are sometimes uncontrollable. One moment your alright and then the next, your depressed. One mood to the next, instantaneously and without any warnings. Up and down like a roller coaster ride.
I don’t have the answers, nor can I fully understand them yet. Perhaps, all those years without feeling anything, are making up for lost times. I really don’t know. But remember those times when you were unable to feel anything at all? Just being numbed and shut yourself out from everyone and everything. It took a long time to be able to feel anything after that. It takes time, it wasn’t something that could be easy to turn on ansd off like a switched. Shutting off your emotions like that, surely would have great consequences. I think your soul is regaining it’s bearing once again.
You’ve released a book, so no matter what happens from now on, theres a piece of you in print. Written down, turned into a book. So if anything shall happen to you, people will remember you from the words you’ve written down. That is probably why you have been writing so much these days. Afraid to be forgotten, wanting desperately to be heard. So if you would die right now, your poetry will remain behind. Hoping beyond reason, that it will survive for a long time, like the poets of old, words written thousands of years ago, yet their work remains and touches people’s hearts. That is what you truly desire, that is what you truly mean, when you say you don’t want to be forgotten ever again. You’ve been forgotten once, so now you want to be immortal, your work to live on, always. That is great desires, yet not impossible. Your already touching hearts and changing people’s lives already, be proud and happy with that accomplishment, not many people are able to do that.
Breathe and take one step at a time. Everything you ever want to accomplish, shall be completed. Breathe, breathe, and not try to worry nor think so far into the future. Focus on the things your able to change. Never forget how far you’ve came, in such a short time. Relax a little and let nature take its course, let the events unfold. Be patient with a clear mind. Trying to achieve so much, too quickly, you will surely lose yourself again.
Your friend, me.