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Two Sides

Written by Tan Nguyen
Saturday 26th of March 2016

I lived a life filled with hopelessness,
No one to blame but my own,
Choices and decisions I’ve made,
Were completely mine to make,
If anything, it’s my life to bear.

People assumed they know me,
Some think I belonged to them,
Everything was working out great,
Until I became self aware,
Starting down my own path,
Stopped listening and following,
From the adviced from those,
That claims to be my friends.

It felt really wonderful,
To feel wanted and loved,
To know that people actually cared,
Looking out for my best interest,
Keeping me from harms way,
Letting down my guard,
Lowering my defenses,
Words of comfort and reassurances,
Were nothing more than deceitful lies.

I should of known better,
My experiences taught me plenty,
Even after everything I’ve learnt,
Going against my better judgements,
There’s this part of me,
Which wanted so badly to believe,
Something I had always wanted,
For that small pat on my back,
Saying I did something good.

Despite everything I’ve been through,
I am still willing to gamble on others,
Even though the risk is high,
Ending in nothing but tears,
My belief and faith in others,
Has wavered many times before,
I am living in a world with 7 billion others,
For some reasons unclear to me,
The desire to keep risking myself,
To keep opening myself up,
Is confusing and heart breaking.

I am certain about the end results,
The day I stopped trusting others,
The day I stopped reaching out,
The day I stopped believing,
Will be the day my faith in humanity,
My fight for survival,
My very existence,
Has surrendered, given up in life.

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